is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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