did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
