Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize