I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
