I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
