We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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