I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
