Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
