im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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