This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
