I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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