You smell like stripper and shame
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
