South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
