I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
