i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
