i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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