I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize