U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
