If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
