Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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