Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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