conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
pray to the hookup gods
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
