yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
