Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
