Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
