my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
