saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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