Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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