I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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