Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
