I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
