$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
