we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
