im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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