What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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