mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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