I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
