so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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