Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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