I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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