I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
