You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
