the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
