S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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