You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
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Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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