just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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