Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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