i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
