This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
