I cockslap morals
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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