Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
