hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
