You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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