i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
