he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
