quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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