bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.