So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so let's talk penis.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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