Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.