he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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