Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
