so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
