Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm like, not good at living.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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