can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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