So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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