He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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