Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
