what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
