I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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