i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
