marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My room smells like vodka and shame
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
