she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
